Zombie Scenario: How Good Is Your Plan?

Author: ZAC Admin
Submitted: 10 Sep 2008
Filed under: Scenario

79 Responses to “Zombie Scenario: How Good Is Your Plan?”

1. Quine on 10 Sep 2008 at 9:09 pm #

   Draw my concealed carry. This gives me 15+20 rounds to get to my car in the parking lot. There is nothing in a modern mall worth me sticking around for. Straight line from the bathroom to my car.

   Once I get to the car, 200 rounds for my primary carry. If I’m carrying something besides my normal caliber, closer to 50. Before leaving, three phone calls to people I know with weapons and skills, let’s call them Moe, Larry, and Curly and tell them the status and to get ready. Straight line home, if it looks like a massive outbreak, staying away from the highways.

   Once I get home, more pistols, shotguns, 22s, an AK and ample ammo and supplies. Quick supply and perimeter check, then two more phone calls to Shemp and Girl, people with firearm experience and competence and get them headed somewhere safe. Send warnings to others that are less useful or nearby, if possible.

   Plan A is fortify at home. I’m in a second level apartment with line of sight and supplies. Sit tight, fill water jugs, prep to move, etc. Make a plan with the Stooges and wait for the others to show. I’m weak on communications gear, so before internet and cell service go, we need a rally point and time.

   Plans B and C are movement to less populated areas, depend on the state of the roads and bridges. Various suburban options. Potentially an island cabin if the ferry is still running.

   From there, it starts getting into loose contingencies depending on the state of the world. Overall, stay together, alert, low and armed. Ride it out as best as possible and assess as needed

2. 3ID on 10 Sep 2008 at 9:13 pm #

   First things First i would finish and wipe the i would stand unholster my SIG check the chamber then check if any one is in the room with me an tell them to say back and arm them selves with some ting hard and heavy and slowly make my way to the door praying that the zed has moved to other victim so i good make it to a more safer place

3. splint.chesthair on 11 Sep 2008 at 8:15 am #

   Well, how do you compete with Quine? That’s pretty much it down to a T. Immediate calls to the family andtell them to meet at the home, if possible, to start fortifying. If they can’t make it there, the secondary meet-up point and eventual destination is the cabin in the woods. The cabin can be gotten to by foot from the home through some long forest walks, if necessary, but the roads to the cabin aren’t that heavily used so it shouldn’ tbe a problem.

4. Avakar on 11 Sep 2008 at 2:32 pm #

   Save the ammo and keep the stealth, but I agree with 3ID, finish your business. I’ll pull my baton out and dispatch the undead assailant; I will only use my gun in an emergency. I’ll try to use my cell to get in contact with my family to make them aware of what to do and to say I was right about the zombie uprising (you cant pass that chance up!) Then I would contact my team to make them aware of the situation and to get everyone’s location to come up with a suitable rendezvous. If the attack is wide spread you can’t trust the wireless towers, they will most likely be jammed with other people trying to call loved ones or the police. So I’ll locate a good concealed hiding place with a land line to make my calls.

   We will meet at the rendezvous and then make our way to the predetermined, easily fortified location as out lined in our zombie plan for the time being. Once we get a good sense of the situation and the development of the out break and how far it has spread. We will then make our move to become actively mobile and find a safer location or begin securing the immediate area (depending on the scale of the outbreak).

5. ZzDeuceX on 11 Sep 2008 at 3:53 pm #

   I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t acctually have a gun, so my plan goes thusly: Use the toilet lid((the one on the back)) to beat that first zombie and the man who was bitten till their brains oozed the floor.((You never know, maybe that was acctually the FIRST zombie! Save the world!)) From there I would drop that lid and run as though my life depended on it((for indeed it probably would)) towards my car. I have a hand-held E-tool in there. Very sturdy, almost the perfect weapon.((Max Brooks mentioned somthing like it in “world war Z” called the “Lobo” or “Lobotomizer”)) I would drive toward my house, but I would avoid my cell phone. ((You never know what could have caused the outbreak!)) Once there, I would grab my ZPK ((Zombie preparedness kit…or bug out bag, which ever you prefer…)) and make haste for my friend freddie’s. He’s got loads of food and water and they’re all packed and ready to go. From there, its a short trip to the rural side of my city, with horses and barns and plenty of high places. The plan takes many turns from there. I dont have a gun, but I’m sure some of those country folks do. ((I’ve got friends out there, not just trespassing…but that too.)) That’s where I stop, and prepare for my next move. My closest friends are supposed to meet me there…but hopes and truth are often very different.

6. sean on 11 Sep 2008 at 6:14 pm #

   since i don’t own a gun at first thought i would be boned yes?no if i had a backpack with me i would probably have a small knife or something else like a crow bar but not likely.potentially you could survive in a bathroom for a while if the dead could’nt get in.or if there was a window you could escape but most places have them bolted up to prevent shoplifting[which is why most book stores don't have bathrooms] depending on how much moaning i would either stay there for a while [and try not to fart loudly]but if i could hear the moans decreasing or moving away from the door i would probably make a run for it hopefully i could unlock my bike before a zed got me and ride home in the chaos without being hit by a car,i think in a situation like this luck[or preparedness] would be your closest ally

7. Sinisterminister on 13 Sep 2008 at 10:59 am #

   Everyone thus far has forgotten the most crucial weapon; your mind. That weapon is in turn backed up by your second best weapon: Your senses. You are in a bathroom in a public building, which means you have no line of sight at all. Supposing the zed you hear isn’t the only one. Instead of slinging the door open and going out there with your guns (or toilet seat) a-blazing, it might be wiser to be very still and take a moment to listen. The fact is that If there is more than one zed, they will be on the prowl for more people to bite, and the mall is full of people. They will be running too. In this instance, the great thing about a public toilet is the smell. All those cleaning chemicals, all those- other smells, they mask the most important scent of all- yours. At this moment, you are sitting in the equivalent of a duck blind. It’s that first moment- the moment during which you attempt to correctly asses the situation that saves your life. It’s possible that this zed goes after easier prey (Some shrieking mall patron, or that over-paid rent-a-cop who never saw a movie in his life) instead of the prey he cannot see or smell. You may not have to shoot your weapon. It may be as simple as waiting for the zombies to pursue everyone who does react badly- and then calmly walking out of the mall to the nearest (and easiest) form of transportation, to your home/compound. Remember kids- this isn’t a video game. The first zed you meet might be a boss, and not the low-level midget they usually throw at you in order to get you stronger.

8. jjc on 14 Sep 2008 at 4:24 pm #

   I agree with 3ID, the first thing you need to do is finish your business. After that depends on what door you mean the zombie’s behind, the bathroom door or the stall door. Assuming you mean a single bathroom with one toilet and sink, like at mcdonalds, than theirs a dead bolt on the door and you won’t have to rush. If however we’re talking about a mall bathroom it’s a swinging front door with stalls inside. I’ll assume it’s a mall thus the zombie is more likely outside my stall door (hence how I can see the blood) than the main bathroom door. One thing before I begin, sinisterminister while I totally agree with waiting and listening the bathroom is the one place you really don’t want to be. If the zombies have a sense of smell you won’t be in a duck blind but rather a bulls eye. Though it’s gross, most of your pheromones are in your shit and I assume that’s what zombies would home in on (this is also why dogs like to sniff butts). So, sitting in a mall toilet with a zombie out side my stall door I would first wipe myself and pull my pants up while watching the foot wide breach at the base of the stall door in case the zombie grabs for my legs. After that I’d take out my pocket knife throw the stall door open (after listening to make sure theirs only one), hopefully knocking the zombie off balance, then rush the zombie pining him against the wall. I would keep my hand on his neck to make sure he couldn’t bite me while I thrust my pocket knife into his eye. Cracking through the thin bone behind it I would give my knife a quick stir and watch my would be assassin slump onto the floor. I would than quickly proceed onto the unfortunate first victim jam my knife into his eye, give it a stir, and be done. After that I would quickly search both bodies for stuff and the surrounding bathroom for anything useful (a plunger is a potential weapon). Pausing near the bathroom door to hear for any movement, I would than run outside the wonderful smelling room and proceed for the nearest elevated outside view (second floor or higher area with a window). Any zombies I run into while on my way I’d merely dodge, if that isn’t possible I’d look for another way by, and if all else fails I can always try charging through them. What I see through the window will determine my next move. If their is a cadre of cops outside surrounding the building I’d head for the nearest exit. Seeing as how that’s extremely unlikely, I would probably see people running, screaming, getting bit, and fleeing in their cars (or anyone’s they could steal) as fast as they could. With that lovely bit in mind, I would head for the local sporting goods department (dodging zombies much as before) and get a baseball bat, golf club, or anything else along those lines. If they had any camping equipment (hunting knives especially) I would grab as much as I could carry (they’d probably have some good backpacks). After that if their was a gun store I’d head their, I’d need the baseball bat to get through the security glass, if not I’d head for the nearest exit. Provided I got to the gun store (owner might have boarded himself in) I would take two handguns and as much ammo as I could carry, their really is no need for rifles in a zombie apocalypse (deer might get infected too). As I would have taken the bus to get to the mall I wouldn’t have any mode of transportation available. I may have found some keys on a corpse but unless they have the remote unlock/lock feature I’d have no hope of finding the car. I don’t know how to hot wire a car so unless I can catch a ride (doubtful) or find a car running but suspiciously vacant, my only hope not to walk the several miles home would be to steal a bike which with America’s poor health habits is very unlikely. Walking home I would take the shortest path, though preferably avoiding dense residential areas. Any zombies on the road would be avoided, if not possible than shot or beaten. At home I would immediately run through the entire house to make sure it’s clean, while locking every window and door in my wake (sure it may not stop a zombie but shattered glass makes a lot of noise). I would than hunker down in front of the t.v. to see what’s happening while calling, provided than phones are still working, my friends and family (closest via distance first). If the phones aren’t working I’d give the internet a try. Depending on what the news is saying would determine my next move. If it’s saying this is no more than a minor city matter and stay in your homes than that’s exactly what I’d do. If it’s saying that it’s a state concern head to your local safety station (while listing names) I would get a car (steal probably) connect up with my friends and family, if the phones and internet don’t work I’d just drive straight over and hope for the best, than head for some place rural and hole up there until it blows over. If it’s saying that it’s a national or global concern, while listing safety stations, I would hook up with family and friends as listed before but rather than run in to the country I would choose a tough building in town and hole up in there so as to have easy access to local resources (scavenging). The reason for the difference is that if it’s a state concern army troops will be all over but if it’s a national concern, well, you may not be important enough to save. What I’m getting at here is you want to stay out of the cross fire so if its more local they’ll be fighting outside your door meaning get out there but more international you probably won’t see anyone working for the government meaning feel free to loot loot and loot some more. Finally if the t.v. isn’t working I’d head over to my friends and families homes not only to organize but also to see what they know. Based off of what I can gleam there I’d make my next move.

9. Mischala on 15 Sep 2008 at 3:20 am #

   I do not carry a gun, so firt things first would be to find a weapon, asses the surroundings to find a makeshift weapon will probably come up with maybe a fire extinguisher at best. hopefully i can use this to get me outside the building. considering im too young to drive, especially if this if i happen to be outside my own country, i will have to get a ride. nobody is going to want to stop for a teenager holding a fire extinguisher in the middle of a zombie outbreak, but considering the slight chance i would end up going with these people to wherever they would take me, assuming they watch the news they may be heading for a sort of safe-house for the community, like a barricaded school building, a hospital, city hall. once there i will most probably be among the members of my community, including my family and friends that haven’t fallen victim to the outbreak. if the safe-house is low on combatants i may be enlisted to guard of of the doors of the complex. This would continue until the outbreak ends

10. Sam on 16 Sep 2008 at 11:35 am #

    I don’t use bathrooms.

    Kidding of course. But if stuck in one, the first thing that comes to mind is escape. Most bathrooms (movie theatres can be excepted) have a single door which, for the time being, should be locked. If there is no lock for defense, primary concern becomes escape. I don’t carry a gun, but a pocket knife is usually handy. If a mop is around, it could be lashed to the end to make a crude polearm for defense and lobotomizing.

    If it’s a large public place, chances are yes, chemicals would mask the smell, and no, pehermones wouldn’t linger and would be flushed with the toilet. Drop ceilings make effective means of travel, and yes I have done this. Skillful balancing on the dividing walls is all it takes (by the way, innner city hoods may keep guns in the ceiling panels of fast food bathrooms). If this isn’t an option, it’s going to be a dodgy fight out of the bathroom. Assuming slow zombies, you may be able to make it reasonably well, also using a toilet lid or seat for defense. If fast zombies (as my research indicates), the best option is to escape using cover to my vehicle.

    Vehicle to home, retrieve BOB, load water and leave dense urban areas. During the first stages of an outbreak, zombies will increase at an exponential rate, you want to move. Leave the fighting to shmucks and slow, unresponsive government agencies.

    The best way to kill a zombie is to have someone else do it for you.

11. will on 16 Sep 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    Put on my HEV suit and beat the crap outta anything that moves with my crowbar.

12. ico on 18 Sep 2008 at 12:24 am #

    I would most likely not have a gun, knife or crowbar so i would do the simlpist thing which is to run like hell. I would get to my car then drive home. After gathering supplies then go to (even though they always fail in the movies) the nearest government safe zone then make up my mind from there. One place i think would work well is a big church because many of them are built with thick stone and even though they’re windows are big they are usually too high for them to be reached.

13. Mr_O on 18 Sep 2008 at 11:54 am #

    I suppose i should be truthful in what i would do in this situation.
    I’m at the mall and i had to take a major dump… i have no weapon as i was not prepared in the slightest bit for what evil has been unleashed upon mankind. I see the blood under the stall and instinctively freak as any not undead would do. First thing would be to be civilized and clean and clothe myself while being quiet as humanly possible. i suppose the ghoul would be onto my scent and be roaming randomly around the bathroom, possibly stumbling over the toilet in a neighboring stall in search of my flesh. my pants would be on within 30 seconds of the initial event of spatter… then i would have to muster up the courage and go into my alternate personality for the entirety of the remainder of my life. definitely kick the door open as hard as i could and back myself to the wall to deal with any undead as they would not sneak up behind a wall. we all fear to use hand to hand with zombies but remember, they are moving on instincts… they are human sloths that cannot quicky calculate your conscious movements. after definitively destroying 1 or 2 enemies withing the room(adrenaline will get you farther than you think, anyone with a little strength will make it past this part.). there are no feasible weapons in a restrom besides broken mirror pieces which would attract entirely too much unwanted attention. restrooms are located next to food courts, food courts have resturants with beef. raw beef. hopefully bloody raw beef. grab some steaks and feed them when the get too close. escape mall. go to pawn shop purchase and or loot weapon and other valuable supplies. go downtown. what is downtown??? old, tall buildings with plenty of different supplies to live from. find a tall building roof for primary shelter and chillax until the next scenario.

14. Goldfish on 18 Sep 2008 at 7:09 pm #

    Well, unlike half the people here, I don’t normally take a firearm with me to the local mall. So, after completing my business and wiping up I’d find something removable in the stall, preferably the toilet seat or one of the TP/Seat cover dispensers (these are suprisingly durable, if not a bit shorter range than I’d like, but I’m working with what I’ve got.) Next, I would use the hook in the toilet seat (assuming that’s what I get) to trip the stench, then get up on the commode and over into the next stall, and so on and so forth until I’m out. Assuming it’s only the one, I’ll leave quietly and begin preparations to contact my team and loved ones, set up a rendevous, and GTFO. Any dead inside I can at least keep at bay with my tools from the can, and make my way into the main mall area. Afterwards, I’d find a nearby janitor’s cart, security station, or small kiosk (all of which will have a broom, baton, or something else better suited to my situation), pick up weapon number two, and begin my way to the nearest exit. Seeing as how all cell towers and most likely the switches for landlines will be jammed, I will find a location with working internet and make an attempt aT sending a text message via E-mail. If that does not work, I will make for the predetermined safe zone agreed upon with my team and, for those in the know, my loved ones. In the (unlikely) event that our safe area has been compromised, I will turn to the secondary and tertiary locations, get safe, and attempt contact with any friends/family/team members that are not there.

    Option 2: After securing a weapon out of the head, dispatching any stenches in the bathroom with me, and heading out of the can, I would make for a small shop (someplace with food preferably), and lower thr the security cage. Doing this isn’t a permanent fix, obviously, but would give me the opportunity to get into the back for a while until things quiet down, attempt to make calls to my team and loved ones, tell them where to go, where I am, and what to do if they’re not in the know. Get things in order and when the area I’m in gets a bit quiet, secure something a little heavier and more durable (in this case let’s say I make my way past a sporting goods store and grab me a good ol’ fashioned bat), and make my way out of the mall. From there, to my secure location and, hopefully, the welcome arms of my friends and family.

    For all his bluster, it is the sad province of Man that he cannot choose his triumph. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes.
    -Mohinder Suresh

15. Zach Smith on 19 Sep 2008 at 7:58 pm #

    Above all the first thing to do would be to lock the bathroom door(s). The chance is that you don’t have a clue that zombies were here. You would just know that something has gone extremely wrong. First off I never go to places like a mall or theaters by myself. So I would call or text whoever I was with and try to get an idea if they were ok, in a safe spot or could even make it to where I am.

    Even with my concealed carry PX4 or five-seven I wouldn’t have a chance at getting out of the building with only 20 rounds. Once you fired the first shot they would all turn. Noise attracts attention. The best bet would be to try to get out of the window via window or vent. Avoiding contact would be key. If neither is available to you, it would be hard to decide, you could make a run out the door or wait.

    Once out I would want to get to my truck, it has tons of extra magazines and usually has a bottle of water. Depending on how traffic is would decide whether I drive or hike. If it is accident free and light I would drive quickly to my house. If not I would run away from the urban area and into the woods. Hopefully I could make it home. If I couldn’t I would make to the closest sports or hunting store.

    Pistols are great but impractical. They are hard to shoot quickly and accurately, but are great in a pinch. A rifle or shotgun are much easier to shoot. Whether I go home or to a store my first choice would be an ar15. Its easy to shoot and holds a good amount of ammo. I’d also want a shotgun just to have for special purposes such as blowing doors open.

    I would try to find anyone I care about and make it to my ranch. My brother and I have own it together and would be the place for him to go as well. That place is far away from any population. Would have mre’s, weapons, water, ammo and just about anything you can think of there. It is surrounded be a heavy duty fence that is impossible to climb.

    It may not be the best place but we could stay there for a while. 3-6 months and hopefully we would know what to do after that.

    -Zach Smith

16. Dustin on 20 Sep 2008 at 11:41 am #

    Assuming it was the worst (no gun, no car, no back door or crawlspace out of the bathroom). I think it would be best to act quickly as zombies just make more of themselves.

    I’d tear the door to my bathroom stall off its hinges, open the door to the outside and bull rush the zombie(s) using the stall door as a shield against being bitten.

    I’d head out into the parking lot and find someone getting into their car and ask for a ride. If refused I’d draw my pocket knife and threaten to puncture their tire.

    Then I’d head to the nearest church for three different reasons. Firstly a lot of people are bound to head there and there is strength in numbers. Second it’s a good defensively being made of stone with only two entrances, and a tower to retreat to if things go really bad. You can hold off thousands of zombies for days in a fortified tower. Third, the zombies might not be able to enter sacred ground.

    As soon as I was immediately secure, I would call some friends. Two of my friends have suits of full plate armor have real swords, a pistol and a sawed off shotgun. What better way to prevail against the zombie hordes?

17. Kasper on 20 Sep 2008 at 1:14 pm #

    Well, nasty situation. So, I’m sitting in a mall stall, I see blood and hear growling…
    I raise my feet. The business I’d come in about will likely take care of itself quickly, what with the sudden threat against my life. Wipe, but stay for now. I always lock bathrooms when I use them, bathroom stalls too.

    I’d call the cops. Am I really the first to think this? If I went to the mall in the first place, the zombie situation probably wasn’t in Stage 2 yet, hopefully it’s still in Stage 1 at the time I’m s*itting in the stall. Police usually respond to reports about blood and violence in large public structures. Once the police distracts the zed, I come out behind it, armed with the fearsome toilet brush. Danish mall toilet seats really don’t have the mass to break anything. Should the police be overloaded, and ask me to wait, maybe someone else will provide the distraction on accident. Police might also simply not believe me, especially in early Stage 1, even if I avoid using the word “zombie”.
    If the Zompocalyse just hit Stage 2, phones are down, and zombies are jumping people in the streets. I’ll get up on the toilet, trying to get an idea of what’s outside. Hopefully I can close the doors of the neighbour stalls and move stall by stall towards the door, or a well-placed window. Then leave, possibly fighting the zed of with the brush until I get to a real weapon.

    The task really only calls for a next step after the growl, a lot of people here present complex plans for everything EXCEPT getting out of the stall. Think on the assignment, people, for your own sake. You don’t answer 2+2= by stating that if the task had been 5+5 instead, then the result would have been 10. At least I think you don’t.

18. Logan on 21 Sep 2008 at 10:49 pm #

    I would first lock the door and use my keen nose to gather bits of information.Than i would use my extreme knowledge(Sorry if this sounds like bragging)to determine anything i can.I would grab my pocketknife,if i was smart enough to bring it.I would grab anything i can to create a makeshift weapon.I would use my flexibility(unfortunately I’m not very athletic)to try to jump out Mario style.If that fails,than ill try to beat my way out.Upon leaving.I would loot the cash register and steal a car.if the keys were in the ignition,i would drive to the nearest gun shop.If not,i would search them out.If i didn’t find them,i would just loot the car.Depending on if zombies were near me,i would either move from car to car or run like hell.I would beat down any nearby zombies.I would head for the nearest gun shop.If there was a clerk,i would buy some guns and ammo.If not,loot.I would shelter myself there and blow zombies down toward the nearest pay phone.I would kill any nearby zombies and call 911.If they laugh at me,(thats why I’m on a pay phone)I would run back to the gun shop.If they believed me,than ill get reinforcements at the shop.Either way,i would go back to the gun shop.If any survivors wanted to join me,they would have to strip so i could check them for bites.(yeah yeah,say I’m a pervert or gay,but it will help in the long run.)If they had bites,i would blow their head off.I might be solo,i might have an army.Either way,i would regularly loot the nearest grocery/convinence store and loot it for food and snack.Entertainment is important.I will have to stay sane.I would occasionally search for survivors.I would wait,kill,loot,search,reapeat until anything else happens.(If there are any flaws in this plan,please e-mail killah@bored.com.

19. Jack on 23 Sep 2008 at 9:57 am #

    In a toilet cubicle, all hell breaks loose, and I’m stuck there?

    First things first, acess the situation, check myself and surroundings for improvised weapons (cause unlike most of the people here, I DON’T carry guns around with me) before finalizing a plan on escaping the cubicle.

    Two ways I could do that, either by climbing over the cubicle wall into another cubicle away from the zombie or by grabbing either side of the wall, swinging my body and smashing through the door (see, rock gigs are educational, especially when the door won’t open and you’re buzzed up on adrenaline) in doing so knocking the zombie over (if it works).

    When outside of the cubicle, I won’t go all rambo, in fact, I’d be more concerned about getting the hell outta there, weaving past the shamblers unless combat cannot be avoided, in which case it’d be kicks all the way with my nice sturdy steel-toe capped boots.

    Eventually I would escape the building, perhaps finding survivors, perhaps not, and my first concern would be the safety of my friends, so unless I was out of battery on my phone, in which case I would just have to hope for the best, if they were anywhere near me we could meet up, if they were safe they could just stay where they are.

    Next would simply be adjusting to this terrifying new world, from here I can no longer describe what I would do, because of the millions of possibilites.

    - Jack

20. instruisto on 23 Sep 2008 at 8:52 pm #

    You “men” go to malls?

21. ZackaryL on 24 Sep 2008 at 10:42 pm #

    Well, Seeing how it sounds as if there is only that of one zombie outside the door, i would unlock the door, and of course, fight the ONE zombie assumed to be out there , with my bare hands, going mainly for grabbing him/it/her by the throat, seeing how if you do that, they can not deliver a bite, and depending on the zombie type(being zombies that resemble those from Shaun of the Dead, which in my Opinion, are the most REALISTIC Zombies, or Dawn of the Dead Zombies) , in this case, the more REALISTIC zombie, therefore making it an easy kill.
    my repeatedly slamming his head into the floor, or, putting the palm of my hand on his forehead, and applying pressure as to CPR, eventually exploding his head, or at least crushing it, yes, i realize that it is a HUMAN, and it has a strong skull, but slam in on the ground enough and its bound to do nothing, and, knowing that that zombie had started devouring the other, i would prepare my self for that zombie, or simply end it, by walking over and repeating the process used to destroy the last zombies head, on this one. then proceed out of the store, cautiously, taking in my surroundings. i would then make my way to joe’s house, my fellow zombie anticipator, and tell him of the situation. which would lead to us, gathering things up as fast as we can, not a whole lot, just what we need. a couple things of food, and water. and try and find BLUNT objects to use, seeing how a sharp object could get stuck in a zombie, and we have no fire arms. we would then use his mothers cell phone to contact those important to us, as we walk our way to our fall back point, being rite aide, seeing how most people will rush to the local wal-mart in a panic, or the River Center( a mall sized church in our area) and i do not intend on locking down a fortress at rite aide, i will only wish to raundevue(spelling?) with those i contacted, giving them only 3 hours at the max, gathering supplies and head toward the hills(run tooo the hills) and find a good place to hold down for a while, until, at least the news being radio/Tv’s gives out, then turn into a traveling group of people that live off what we find, and defending our selves from the SMALL amount of zombies that shall find us, seeing how we wont be in one spot for them to gather around us.

    i know there are flaws with my play
    and would like to beinformed of them
    please and thank you =D

22. Papachabre on 25 Sep 2008 at 6:06 am #

    Obviously the scenario would need to be handled based on the scale of the outbreak. First I would wait until the zombie is outside the stall door and give the door a good kick to knock the fiend back so I could make a clean break for the door. I would then assess the situation.

    2 zombies:
    If the outbreak consists of the zombie in the next stall over and the one who is about to raise from just being bitten, it would be my civil duty to destroy the two bodies to prevent further outbreak. It would be as easy as finding a sharp object and thrusting at the head. However this is probably not the case; if a zombie made it in to the bathroom it is most likely because there was no life left outside the bathroom for it to attack.

    The entire store is infested:
    In this scenario I would make a break for the exit. It would be foolish to stick around and fight an entire building full of zombies. If the bathroom is located far from the exit I would find a shopping cart with which to push through small crowds of zombies. If the store is more densely packed with undead I would find an alternative (fire) exit, and if that is not an option then an air duct, or roof entrance would be my next priority. I would assume that the infestation has spread beyond the walls of the store and that merely running is not an option, but to be sure I would switch on the radio in my care and listen to the news. If there was no report on the radio of the outbreak I would call the police to report the “disturbance” and drive out of town, but if the news reports that the entire city is infested then I would need a safe-house.

    The city is infested:
    Drive my car home and note the severity of the outbreak. I live in a third-story apartment so, depending on the severity of the outbreak, I could make a nice safe-house out of it. I would load up my guns (to be used ONLY in an emergency as zombies are attracted to the loud sound of gunfire), search for neighboring survivors and destroy the stairs leading to my apartment. I could take food and other provisions from neighboring, abandoned apartments. From there I would wait for the outbreak to be cleared up or forever, whichever comes first.

    I’d go in to more detail but I have to go to work, and deal with a different kind of zombie…the office drone.

23. Ben on 25 Sep 2008 at 11:00 am #

    1. Wipe ass
    2. txt friends with one prearranged emergency word.
    3. get home if not already
    4. grab go bag
    5.head out to rendezvous point
    6. figure out rest of plan based on situation

24. Nick Thompson. on 25 Sep 2008 at 3:11 pm #

    im getting my weapons,my (BOB) and my ammo and geting the hell out of there.

25. pheonix on 28 Sep 2008 at 8:55 pm #

    use the lid on top of the toilet to bash the zomie upside the head not the seat

26. lg33kt on 29 Sep 2008 at 1:20 am #

    Well, depending on where i was at the time, id make my way home, In the car I keep the xpandable baton. I live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building, After getting home, Id call everyone and get them on high alert, Then id go to my bedroom and fetch My preprepared Insurance plan backpack Filled will all kinds of goodies and a bunch of loaded MOLLE mag pouches(.223 and .45) and 12G 000 buckshot inside the bag. Id also adorn my vest with mags all over, A sidearm and KBAR knife. Heavy duty clothing and boots, Id most likely stick to the shotgun, Then go knocking on the other 3 doors on my floor, Those that dont answer have the door kicked in and place searched for people, Shoot the infected if any, If others are home, Get them to help secure our level and then id make my way to my truck and head immediately to the local JOES and Drive my truck thru the front door and head to the guns and ammo section, Kill any infected, scare off anyone who opposes… Bolt cutters for the cables securing the guns, Grab all the ammo for the 4 calibers i need. Then id Grab more large caliber rounds and rifles, After taking all the guns and ammo i can fit in my bed(which has a canopy) Id take all other necessary supplies i could find including batteries, and flashlights, id Head out, Go to parents house and Secure them and all items required from their house including more guns and ammo, Food and water, Then head off to secure my brother and his gf, Then all head back to the apartment where hopefully the neighbors have fortified our level enough not to let any infected in. Then id setup shop, All ammo in the back of the apt with food and water reserves. Setup guard on both doors….Then…survive at any means possible and kill all infected with no question.

27. Zombo on 30 Sep 2008 at 11:04 am #

    Gnarrrk! Frrrrrrrr! HRZZZZZZ! Hissssss…

28. Casey on 30 Sep 2008 at 11:16 am #

    Fortunately, I usually carry a silenced Mac-10 (old school!) on a sling under my jacket. Couple clips on the other side. So, I’d finish up with the whole bathroom thing, pop a jingler over the top of the cube and when the stench follows the sound, quietly open the door (they open inward, you know), and put a couple of slugs into the back of the brainbox. Pfft-pfft. Then listen and move out to an exit. While moving, contact the rest of the crew to assemble at the RDV point and work to get out quick and clean. Once clear, I’d call in a tactical airstrike if containment is possible - just a couple pounds of Willy Pete on an RC drone. Steve usually has one or two in the back of his Avalanche. If the outbreak appears to be too widespread, get into the Smart car and drive out quick. Call ahead to the barn and be sure the two Soviet surplus helicopters are ready to go with crew and family. Don’t forget the dogs.

29. Docwade on 30 Sep 2008 at 11:30 am #

    I keep reading about grabbing the lid off the toilet tank on here…when was the last time you saw a toilet with a reservoir tank in a modern, public restroom?

30. Docwade on 30 Sep 2008 at 11:42 am #

    By the way, if one of the critical steps in your zombie plan is looting say a gunshop…that’s sort of like trying to rob a cop bar. Most people behind a gun counter are armed. The idea behind a good zombie plan is you already have the items you are going to need, not try to scrounge them after the fact. Everyone not already prepared is going to be doing exactly what many of you have stated…looting, carjacking, trying to use a cell on a network not designed to support everyone at the same time. Oh, and Ig33kt, you might want to reconsider kicking in the doors of your neighbors when all hell breaks loose. I don’t tend to answer my door either when there’s a catastrophe with associated universal looting going on. You might wind up storming into some 000 buck or staring down the wrong end of an ak…but I’m sure your gear will be appreciated.

31. jacob on 01 Oct 2008 at 6:02 pm #

    since i am no where near old enough to carry i would pull out my two blades smash the door out if it opens outwards jamming the blades into the back of the necks work my way outside picking up a line pole in the main lobby and start smashing heads running out side looking for anyone wiht a car or just hotwiring a standard truck driving to either my dads or my friends house if i go to my dads i would grab my 12 gauge and my 22 and work on getting to a pawn shop or a small gunstore one that wouldnt be crouded from paniky people grab a 45 and plenty of ammo filling a bag up and grabbing 12 gauge slugs tossing it all in the passenger seat of the cab and hauling ass down any side rodes heading to my moms house since its out in the country and there is plenty of land to pick off zombies at a distance making calls to anyone i know to see who all is alive and make my house a strong hold getting a small group of people together and an assortment of small arms and ammo then move out in a convoy taking military issue gas cans in the trucks stopping at one gas station then stay on the move until we can formulate a plan

32. HeavenlySword on 06 Oct 2008 at 1:01 am #

    Unfortunately, in NYC, us normal people are not allowed to carry real weapons. I am a red belt 4th degree in TKD, so I would be able to immediately knock the undead assailant back around 3 feet with a pushkick.

    If the undead are not of the 28 Days/Weeks /Rage variety, then i can easily outmanuver them for awhile. If I don’t get trapped by large mobs, I may be able to reach my katana before dawn.

    If these conditions do are not true, then I am probably dead, or undead.

33. Drakon on 06 Oct 2008 at 9:26 pm #

    The ten step zombie plan:

    1. Raid the nearby Goodwill for electronics (Specifically, microwaves.) Bring the PVC pipe I used to stir concrete once. (Maces are good vs zombies, right?)
    2. Contact parents, drive to parents. As my apartment doesn’t allow weapons on the premises (doh), I have to keep them all back home for now.
    3. Stock up on weapons (We may have to take 2 vehicles, here…)
    4. Any extra space can hold flammables. Its not a party until something is lit on fire.
    5. Hold out for non-zombied family and gun toting coworkers.
    5. Once together, “Commandeer” the river ferry. (15-45 minute drive - the roads will either be clear or there will be occasional car pileups. Its a roural drive.)
    6. Tether river ferry to an island in the river. If it is found that zombies can wade through the water, float downriver some more. Eventually, we’ll hit the Chesapeake.
    7. On the ferry - Wearing an appropriate XKCD shirt OR (if available) HEV Suit, develop microwave cannon from spare microwave parts.
    8. Cackle.
    9. Repeat step 8 while performing step 10.
    10. Disintigrate zombies.

34. Craig Richardson on 07 Oct 2008 at 12:09 pm #

    Pinch, wipe and flush. If the zomies are outside the restroom I would make all attempts to barricade the door. Because there are usually sinks in the restroom I would have a supply of water and place to do my business, keeping me hydrated and sanatary. I would yank the toilet seat off of the toliet and then I would wait in the restroom as long as 3 days until I felt safe that the danger had passed. Any longer and I may be too weak to stay alive. I would then proceed to leave the establishment and as carefully as possible and go to my vehicle. In the back of my SUV I have a case of bottled water, some cereal bars, a bag of golf clubs and a machete. I would grab a cereal bar or two and eat them quickly, take the machete and attempt to start the car. If the roads are clear enough and my car starts I will drive to my home and grab my supplies. If not then I will make my way there on foot. In my home I have a military grade poncho, five 20′ lengths of parachute cord, 2 Gerber multitools, one Gerber 4′ pocket knife, a Winchester collapsable hand saw, a 3d LED Maglite, a CamelBak, compass, first aid kit, waterproof matches and a magnfying glass. I would then make my way to the nearest (undisclosed location, i dont want you there) center by walking parallell to the interstate and only using the interstate bridges to cross rivers if I cannot afford to make a raft. Once at the (undisclosed location) I would make all necassary preparations to hole up for a while until the situation calls for me to move on.

35. Kain - ZAC Weapon Consultant on 08 Oct 2008 at 7:50 pm #

    I usually don’t do these but the one dimensional outlook is striking. Who says you have to go through the door to get out of the restroom. Most restrooms have drop ceilings, not all, but many do. Now while they don’t support much they usually overlap the wall and continue into other rooms. So if there is an outbreak while I am in the bathroom then my plan runs something like this, finish my business, wipe, flush, and check my weapons, firearm, knife, and flashlight, makes sure they are secured and that the undead are not breaking the door in. If they are then it brings up a different plan. Standing on top of the toilet I would push the panel up, craw up being careful not to pull the ceiling down and get on top of a supporting wall. Using my flashlight I would begin to move as quietly and carefully until I was able to find an area where I could drop down and escape.

    “They won’t get me they won’t get me thought they never cease to try
    they won’t get me they won’t get me I would rather fight and die
    they won’t get me they won’t get me well my friend will they get you?
    when they get you when they get you tell me what are you gonna do?”
    Dropkick Murphys - The Gauntlet

36. as stupid as you on 08 Oct 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    first is would whip out my Gatling gun from my pants and kill the zombie on the other side of the door then i would move out to the restroom and and clear the food court with the grenades i have stashed in my pockets once its cleared i would move outside and unlock my tank and call my general friend for a air strike ….

    ok see how stupid that all sounds? most of yours sound just like that.

    first of all your in public so no guns i would use as one SANE person suggested the toilet seat as a weapon then i would press my head up to the door and try to hear if there’s any movement outside if not then i would quietly open the door and try to get the jump on the zombie near by and then bash in the head of its victim after that i don’t know about you guys but at our mall the bathrooms are at the food court and down a long hallway so the only weapon i would have would still would be the toilet seat as i try to peer around the corner of the hall into the food court if its clear i would make for my truck and leave town if i wait and get supplies i might be over run my best hope it to get out of the city fast.

37. Blitz Haigen on 09 Oct 2008 at 3:07 pm #

    A) Knife and .22 cal pistol at the ready, make it to the sports outlet of the mall and cnatch as much weapons, munitions, and survival gear as I can. Do my best to barricade the area with the help of the living and try to surmise the situation and its level of seriousness. Keep an eye on the wounded to make sure they don’t turn and kill anyone else. Gather food and water at the first feasible chance and stockpile as much as we can. If it becomes an option, move to a different location that would be more secure and defensable. Communicate via cell phones, internet, and radios to alert friends, family, and other citizens of the situation once I myself am secure. Contact authorities regardless of the likely cover-up, having at least some chance of help would be good and even if they’re hostile, they could at least provide a distraction for the undead. Survive as best as I can on what I can find, being careful, quiet, and aware at all times.

    B) Same as the first, but make it outside and try to snag a bike or motorcycle instead of a car and get the hell away. If I can make it to the other side of the valley or up the canyon, I’ll make it. Alert people in other states, the government, whoever I can and get the damn place bombed and fried if it needs it. Contact friends and family to coordinate their escape and get them out as quickly as possible. Live somewhere else for the rest of my life, probably in Arizona. Live the rest of my life somewhere else while preserving the memories of those lost.

    C) Go on a killing spree. Everything that gets within six feet of me is shot, stabbed, and beaten, period.

38. Angryvikingman on 10 Oct 2008 at 9:02 pm #

    LOL @ robbing a cop bar. If you were say, in Wal~Mart, then how does that have anything to do with robbing a gun store? What was said had nothing to do with the situation at hand. If I’m in the shitter at walmart, and I hear the commotion outside, the first thing I’m going to do is wipe and then stand on the back of the toilet or climb up onto the sink and then make my way into the drop ceiling and then replace the tile I moved to get in. If there was no way to get into the ceiling, then I would put all my weight onto a stall door and rip it off the hinges. (They have cheap aluminum hinges)Then place it flat on the floor behind the door to the restroom, thus effectively blocking anyone from coming in. (The standard thickness of a bathroom stall door is about one inch. The door clearance over the floor is less than one half inch. Making a stall door a readily available barricade. This is all based on the assumption that the door opens inward as the do in pretty much all walmarts and most other deparment stores. Also, most store bathrooms dont have a lock other than a keyed deadbolt that cant be locked or unlocked from the inside without the key.)

    In a bathroom you have a sink with a nearly unlimited supply of water, and you have a toilet for waste disposal. Assuming the water supply doesnt become tainted, you can survive for quite some time. Remember the old saying, “3 days without water, 3 weeks without food.” thats how long a human can survive. After a while, you can check to see if anyone is still around and eventually attempt to make your way to safety.

    This is all assuming that you are unarmed and do not want to risk hand to hand combat with the infected. If you are in a walmart, then you should be able to easily make your way to the sporting goods section and arm yourself to make a hasty retreat to your car. Then where ever else from there.

39. Goldfish on 12 Oct 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    I agree with As Stupid as to the way most people come across sounding. Problem is most people develop a god complex in a situation like this, resulting in little but machismo and ego stimulation. The best weapon, folks, is whatever you can find at hand! What if it happens at a club you’re frisked at? What if it happens on a school campus? Heaven forbid, what about church (those of you that attend religious services). Surely you wouldn’t whip out your silenced Mac 10 (c’mon, really?) in the house of God and start spraying Zed skull all over the J-man’s feet?

    For all his bluster, it is the sad province of Man that he cannot choose his triumph. He can only choose how he will stand when the call of destiny comes.
    -Mohinder Suresh

40. Pyrostevo on 15 Oct 2008 at 2:42 pm #

    Ok… I don’t have a conceal carry YET so I’d finish my business unless the undead attempts to enter my stall. I always have at least one knife on me at all times (honestly, even on school campus and church so… yeah…) so I would try to stay concealed to get to my truck with my 30-30 and 20 gauge plus if needed two “samurai” swords and a Marine graduation saber (none sharpened but the tips are pretty pointy plus it’s only worst case scenario). 20 gauge first since I have more ammo in my truck for that (slug and birdshot). If I’m not dead yet I’d then get to my apartment (I live in a city so i would NOT stay there even though it’s easily defended) get supplies and my cat, and then head to a gas station outside of town to stock up on fuel and supplies.

    Thankfully I’m from Texas so me and friends have already came up with a plan for dealing with suck circumstances (Undead rising, Russia invading, Martial law, etc… nothing better to do) I would head directly to our pre-planned destination meanwhile calling family, friends, etc. telling them to hunker down and get ready. All my immediate family and closest friends would already be at our position which is in a severely rural location. It’s perfectly defended already with long fields of view and thin, straight roadways, plus high fences and deep creeks.

    The people who own this property are major defenders of our second amendment rights and every one of my friends and family know their way around a gun so no worries there. Plenty of guns and reloading supplies including multiple pistols and rifles including a Norinco Mac-90 (Chinese copy AK-47 for those not familiar), a few AR-15s, and hunting rifles galore. Once I arrive help gather supplies and ammo (from either nearby Gander Mt. but mainly friend-owned gunstore). Thankfully this gun dealer stays stocked with MANY and multiple different types of semi and bolt-action rifles and shotguns (plus the dealer himself owns a class 3 fully automatic submachine gun [MAC-11 9mm, nothing too special], seriously I got the opportunity to hold it once lol). Add perimeter defenses such as trip flares etc. Hunt for more food. Then wait and try to survive until the post-apocalyptic government in power (after the zed uprising has been quelled) forces us out.

41. Sampson on 15 Oct 2008 at 7:48 pm #

    Finish wiping up. Hop the wall/barrier to the next stall (assuming there are more than one), and remove any part of the toilet I can to use as a blunt object. Make a quick exit, not too loud. Zombies don’t react too fast, so unless it’s a tiny bathroom, I should be able to run past them. From there it shouldn’t be too difficult to get out of the area. If it’s a mall, I’d stop by anywhere on my way out (sports store, grocer) and grab anything I could carry that wouldn’t weigh me down, specifically ammo, a backpack, and dried food, if the coast was clear enough. Either way, easy run to my car. From there, straight home. If the roads are too packed, a bicycle would be an ideal choice. Once home, I would gather all the working firearms in my house; two .38 specials with mounted in-lens dot sights, two (one scoped) .22 rifles, .45, two 9mm’s, two .22 pistols, .38 super, a pellet gun (for birds and squirrels) and an oldschool ball and cap .45 muzzle loader. Gather all the ammo, clips, bags, and maintenance equipment, and set it in the living room. While gathering all non-perishable food, phone immediate family in the vicinity, including mother, father, and one brother. Also call at least one friend who I know can use guns and has supplies. Use the internet (before it goes down) to plan the least populated route to somewhere particularly rural (like the midwest) since it’s not very densely populated, and zombies would likely freeze because they wouldn’t know to put on warmer clothes. That brings us to gathering warm clothes, 4-season tent, backup tent, -20* sleeping bag, and all other camping equipment I own. Load up the car, and meet companions at a gas station. Since we’re now armed to the teeth, it should be pretty easy to get a whole load of gas for the trip. Once we’re out in the middle of nowhere, it’s just a matter of finding one of those isolated farmhouses and either joining up with the occupants or taking them out ourselves. In all likelihood, they would probably welcome the additional forces. Food from that point wouldn’t be a problem, as it could be easily grown to feed up to 20 people. Immediately we would get to work on a fence, with at least 4 of us scouting for zombies within the area of our proposed enclosure. Since it’s rural, there really shouldn’t be many people around at all. Thus, we could take a rather long time building the fence in order to encompass a large area. The initial fence would be just enough to keep out zombies. Afterward, we could begin to build it up to reasonably tough strength. In the long term, we would invite in any survivors who pass by, and continually expand the farm within eyesight. Since electricity would go down shortly, we would make a quick trip into the smallest town we could find nearby, or do so on our initial search for a farmhouse. With weapons, we could easily supply ourselves with tools (duct tape, hammers, food, water, ammunition, etc.), and especially batteries for walkie-talkies. In fact, we could probably take out the large majority of a small town, and loot the entire thing for ourselves. The real advantage of a rural setting is again the sustainability, being able to grow our own food and get our own water.

42. mason on 15 Oct 2008 at 9:07 pm #

    i don’t carry guns around w/ me so i’d break that metal then that the TP is in if hes up against the door i’d kick it in his face so it’d knock him down and i could run for it, but if thats not the case i’d us the metal casing to bash his face in and book it. then i’d call some friends & family and warn them. get some friends w/ guns and loot some gun, LL bean, food and liquior stores (last 1 is so for later on lol) find a short bus and jack it and head to northern canada bitches!!

43. michael lee on 15 Oct 2008 at 10:11 pm #

    Damn, mason kinda worries me, glad ive got a gun in case he turns into a zombie with a toilet paper holder….

    I carry concealed much of the time so i would possibly have my Keltec on in the stall. Hopefully that would get me to my truck. Once there I have my glock with about 100 rounds loaded in hi-cap mags and my AR-15 with about 200 rounds loaded. The ranch hand grill guard will make driving through hordes of zombies easy while protecting my radiator. I will make a quick stop by my house to pick up my remaining fire power, along with my ammunition, food stores including bottled water and mre’s and my reloading equipment. Then its off to my camphouse. I own about 300 acres in very rural east texas in a town you dont want to be a stranger in after dark. I will slaughter cows and hunt for fresh meat. We have a natural gas well on the place and a generator as well as 2 springs. My friends who are as survival capable as me know how to get there and are welcome and we shall wait the situation out at least until it gets to us.

44. Tmac on 15 Oct 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    Take car. Go to mum’s. Kill Phil - “Sorry.” - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How’s that for a slice of fried gold?

45. Dreamornaut on 16 Oct 2008 at 3:55 am #

    Since we are talking about a public rest room in a mall, I wouldn’t have a firearm even if I had a conceal and carry since most public places here ban guns from entering. OK, from what I have to go on at this point, I’m not even sure if this has anything to do with zombies. In which case I’ll try to be as quiet as possible until I either hear footsteps out the door (since it’s a mall everybody is using I’m probably in a stall), or till I hear gnashing or the stall door being pounded on. If it’s the later, I’m definatly going to brace it with my feet. Stalls aren’t exactly secure structures (In a fight were a guy ran into the bathroom, I once kicked a side wall and collapsed two stalls in the process back in less respectable days). I’d then try to time it so I could kick the door out, hopefully hitting the Zed on the other side knocking it down.

    If I can then get past the zombie, I head to the door, keeping an eye on the zombie the whole time and listen. If it sounds like business as usual, I’ll assume this is the only one, aside from the poor sap who will rise in a few, head out and inform the proper authorities. If it’s all chaos or just ‘too’ quiet, I’ll go to town on the zed and it’s latest victim with whatever I can get my hands on, or just using my boots if I have to. If it’s business as usual, I could report what happened and let the authorities deal with it and not get arrested or detained for killing a couple people in a public restroom. If it’s gone nuts and zombies are everywhere, I need to find out fast if I can get out or if I have to stick it out, in which case I’d head for the business end and see if I can’t get out through the back keeping an eye out for anything I could use as a weapon along the way. Many of these large indoor malls have a business-only sub-level with limited access points and plenty of crash doors to the outside away from public traffic and less likely to be permeated by the walking dead. What happens then would just depend on the circumstances I find outside.

46. Meydrew on 16 Oct 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    Well, here is my scenario(I what I would foresee happening). I see the blood seep under the stall door(keep in mind I’m probably not thinking ZOMBIE!). I would then call out and see if everyone is ok(bad Idea I know but once again I’m not thinking about zombies at this point. If I hear gowning I would probably finish up fast. Then I would most likely just open the stall door and try to see what the hell is going on. Then I would either be bitten or killed.

    If by some strange stroke of luck(because indeed all of you plans depend on a sh*t load of luck) I am not dead(or doomed), I might asses the situation a little bit(or not I’m not a very quick minded person). Seeing as I don’t own nor have ever used a gun that possibility is out. No offense to you all but pocket knives won’t do shit. Most likely all I will have on me any ways are my clothing my cell phone, car keys, and my wallet. As I have horrible luck and I probably not even live to assess my situation, I would most likely have chosen a commode with no windows,cinder block walls, and a ceiling with 4 inches of wiggle room before you get to the steel beams and concrete. There fore, my only option would be to steal the pants off of the zombie(s) who attacked me(I am assuming that they where wearing pants.this is a leap of faith I know, also I’m assuming that I have the time to do so). Most pant materials have a close weave and are very fibrous thus make-shift/horrible armor. I would then proceed to run with an intention of breaking every world record imaginable to the maintenance exit. This is because every one will be running towards the customer exits thus more attackers would follow. Assuming I made it to said exit and my pant armor actually held/didn’t run into a Zombie, I would climb onto something tall(preferably the roof of the mall- climbing is really the only thing i’m good at) and see if I can make it to my car/ if that is a good idea. I most likely would get eaten car jacked or just stuck in a traffic jam so the most probable road to take is running as fast as I can on foot. I would then proceed to the strip mall across the parking lot and climb to the roof(I do this quite frequently when I’m drunk anyways). I would then run along the roof until I got to the mom and pop hardware store. I would climb down the drain pipe on the side of the strip mall and enter the store(assuming they are open) as nothing is wrong. I would quickly grab 2 machetes (don’t ask me why a midwestern mom and pop hardware store sells machetes, they just do I haven’t figured out why yet either), a pair of work gloves, duct tape, a hunting knife, a lighter, a small bottle of paint thinner,a carhartt jacket and pair of trousers, and put it in a tool bag and purchase it all legitamately. Hopefully nothing goes by them that causes panic at this point if it does I’d run off with it. now that I have some basic survival tools. Most humans wouldn’t bother with me. That actually would be my primary concern, someone going all out basket case on me. I would then proceed south on foot staying away from roads towards the county park(lots of broken hills and rock formations and of course lots of big trees). I would tell no one, take no one, and sure as hell not try to contact anyone/ thing I see. I would scavenge and hide in the park. Hopefully not bothered, but if the zombies come I would have a relatively good certainty that they A) couldn’t find me B) could reach me or, C)(and this is really unlikely) they were small enough in number that I could evade them or dispatch them. Thats my very optimistic scenario. Hopefully after a few months the zombies would reach a state of decomposition which limits their mobility and after a year the newest zombies have very limited mobility as well.

    Feal free to email me about my rather hopeful and optimistic plan. meydrew@gmail.com

47. Fullcircle on 17 Oct 2008 at 3:02 pm #

    pssh. I’d take a leaf out of Frank’s book and save my game.
    He’s covered wars y’know.

48. J.F on 18 Oct 2008 at 2:05 pm #

    The zombies are outside the restroom, thankfully not outside my stall. First things first, find absolutely anything you can use to keep zombies at bay. Not even necessarily kill them, since there’s not much in a bathroom good for that, but to keep them at reaching distance away. Worst comes to worst, there’ll be a plunger, broom or mop nearby that will be great for pushing zombies away.

    Assuming you weren’t in the bathroom for hours, this is a very recent outbreak, and it won’t have spread TOO far yet. Hopefully you know your way to the nearest exit, because there could be anywhere from 1-whothehellknows how many zombies out there. If there’s only a couple, loot the stores you can for survival supplies. If the place is crawling, get your ass to the exit.

    Cars won’t do you much good if this is wide-spread, since the roads will be absolutely packed with people freaking out . . “OMG I heard the mall was infested by zombies andIdon’tknowwhattoDO!”

    Fortunately, we DO know what to do. Get away from civilized area as fast as you can. Make for a mountain retreat, or hidden valley. Loot and steal as you go, always making sure you have just enough for a dry spell. Don’t worry about killing indiscriminately, they’ll just become ravaging undead soon enough anyways.

    Turn down all offers of help and “Take me with you!” unless they can prove that they’re not going to be the sack of shit who gets bitten and takes you down.

    Once you get to the mountains/valley/underwater hideout, You need a crank radio. Nothing besides a crank radio and a CB will be any good to you now. Hopefully, after the zombies run out of a food supply, you can re-populate the planet, or at least live comfortably until humankinds demise.

49. Pyro on 18 Oct 2008 at 2:34 pm #

    First off, kick the door down with the zombie behind it and level the zombie in the process. Go to the parking lot and get in your car then drive off. Probly to home first if you have guns there. Stock up. Gather remaining family members and get back into car. If you have an SUV then take that as it can be a really useful battering ram. Go to a local gas station and get as much gas as your car/SUV can hold. Shoot cashier as he is probably a zombie by now. Head for the nearest Walmart. Barricade every door possible. Use other vehicles if you have to. Walmart is a perfect place to go as it has food, weapons, etc. etc. Kill all zombies all ready occupying Walmart. Then wait for some one to save your of just live out your days in Walmart.

50. Jaromir on 18 Oct 2008 at 4:36 pm #

    I don’t know what kind of psycho carries a semi-automatic pistol in his pants, so for a normal person, I would do what a normal person would do:

    RUN!

    When was the last time you looked up in a public restroom and did not see a vent, or those crappy push-up plaster tiles up on the cieling? All you would simply have to do is lift yourself up through whatever hole is available, and start slowly climbing somewhere where you can easily get away, or, if that option is unavailable, try to get to the roof through the vent opening, or find a place where there are many weapons. Sporting goods store? Go for the hunting aisles. Grocery store? Butcher. Movies? Projection rooms, they keep scissors there to cut film with. Then do what humans do best: Be an aggressive dick.

51. Xyte on 18 Oct 2008 at 4:49 pm #

    I am in a mall.

    9:55 P.M.
    First, assuming I know it is zombies, I would have to check under the door to take note of any feet. You have to know where they are currently standing, and how many there are. Check under the stalls next to me for anything or anyone.
    Time to equip myself with weapons. Pop the metal cover off the toilet paper holder. Take it. Take the roll of toilet paper. Flush the toilet, break off the flush handle to take. Break of the toilet seat lid (usually U shaped, in men’s restrooms), take it. Forge a makeshift shield using the cover plate and the flush handle as a spike. Wrap to my arm with some toilet paper and by tying my socks together. Break off a part of the seat lid, for a jagged part.
    Here we go.

    Check one last time for locations of them. Roll the toilet paper across the bathroom floor to create a diversion. When the time is right, kick down the door and quickly take down the ones closest to me. Proceed to wiping out the rest of the zombies in the room, and barricade the door to the restroom. Break off a few more seat lids, use as a neck guard. More toilet paper covers as chest armor.

    Remove barricade from the door, then I’d go tactics for a bit. Look around really quickly, making sure I’m not too over my head. I know the janitors closet next to the restroom has a ladder leading to the ducts, but they would only last until the food court. I also know that there are some pretty nasty chemicals in the janitors closet. After stocking up on them, I go up through the ducts until I reach one of the exhaust grates on the wall.

    I take some of the acids I obtained from the closet and pour them over the area, to create a distraction, then continue toward the food court. Once there, I pop off the wall grate and go through the doors into the control room for the water supply and electricity for the food court. It is now dark out, so I use this as an advantage. I cut the power so they have a harder time locating me. I break the valves for the water supply and bust open the pipes, causing a flood that overtakes most of the food court. I then walk through the stations grabbing oils and I unplug an oven then turn it on. I put some water around the outlet for the oven. Then, I pour my ouil by the water spewing from the broken pipes, so it spreads across the entire flooded area. Then I take some rags from the kitchens and line them up from the outlet to the flooded area and soak them in oils. I flip the power on, then quickly run to the outlet and plug in the already turned on oven, which sparks from the water and electricity and sets fire to the rags and oil. The fire follows the path of rags to the flooded area and oil, and sets fire to the whole food court, and any zombies in the surroundings. I take the time to my advantage and turn on the exhaust for the stove, and open the grate covering it.

    1:38 A.M.
    I climb up into the exhaust and follow it to the roof. Just in time, as the fire spreads to the rest of that section of the mall and the roof begins to cave in, falling on the helpless zombies below. I try to make it to the edge so I can climb down, but The floor / roof below me gives way the the weakened structure, and I fall into the sporting and outdoor goods store.

    After a hard fall, I regain my composure and am struck with an idea. I rush to the hockey section and grab a stick and some hockey tape. Then, I head to the skateboards and line them up, keeping them straight and together by laying the hockey stick on them and taping it to them. After making two of these contraptions, I take some fishing hooks and scatter them on the tops of the skateboards. I then grab some rollerblades (Missions, preferrably), and strap up.

    After some final preperations of putting on some professional padding and protection, I grab a golf club, 7 Iron, and go out. The skateboard contraption fits through the door barely, nut it fits. I push that down the pathway, tripping most of the zombies and piercing them with fishhooks. I Send another in the opposite direction, and then shoot out for the exit, which is around the corner and just through the JC Pennies. Using my golf club as a mace, I bash away any zombies that try to grab at me, only getting knocked down once or twice. However, once making it to the doors leading to freedom, I find out, they are locked and blocked. My only hope is to climb the out of order escalator in skates and try to break through the windows.

    4:24 A.M.
    The racks holding up the clothes Leaves a crack, but fall apart too quickly and are nothing strong enough to shatter it. The golf club is broken, and doesn’t do any justice. My best bet now is to take one of the headboards from the display beds showing off the now bloodstained comforters and pillowtops. After a good five whacks at the supposedly shatterproof window, it gives in. The fall down to the pavement is a good 14 feet, so I decide to throw a few mattresses down to cushion the bone shattering landing. I hit the ground hard, perhapes breaking my coccyx, but I don’t really think about that as I skate off to the nearest police station, 8 miles away, towards the center of town.

    By my arrival, it is almost sunrise, and most of the town is beggining to hear word of the strange occurrences at the Berkley mall.

    I am alive.

52. paulywally on 18 Oct 2008 at 7:17 pm #

    well bein stuck in a toilet i dont think id have a flame trower or uzi on me (who knows) so prob a logical solution wud be to just smear some shit over my face and start growling and snarling like a crazy mad man because as everyone knows zombies dont eat zombies so id simple pretend to be one and just walk straight past the bitch,or plan b just hop out the toilet window and away from danger….then come back wit my flame thrower an save the dahy yep pee. :)

53. Michael on 18 Oct 2008 at 11:11 pm #

    Assuming the worst (I find my self with no weapon), knowing a zombie’s dead brain takes a long time learning how to open doors, I finish my business in the stall, then I search for a weapon. Likely weapons in a public restroom are limited to makeshift blunts such as the top of the back of the toilet or a protruding pipe. If there are no windows to sneak out of I will have to burst through the door and make a beeline for my car and grab the pistol stowed in the glove compartment. Straight to home calls to friends who I can depend on making a rally point and directions for supply gathering. The rally point cannot be my home because of its location in a densely populated zone perfect for zombie spreading so rally point is outside the city limits in a lake house about an hours drive away. There is low population, access from only one road in and one out, and if it gets bad enough we can wait it out on the lake cuz zombies cannot swim. The best option is then to fortify the house and secure supplies. Supplies will be gathered at the small town at the base of the mountain.

    Because of its distance from major cities, small towns such as these will be the last reached by infection and the townspeople will have time to fortify and assist provided we arrive to bring warning of the infection. This option carries the best chance for survival and even in worst case scenario (outbreak spreads to the entire planet). Being isolated and small enough than outbreaks in these small towns will spread slowly and could quite possibly be stopped can fortify and resist zombie attack.

    Fall back plan (town falls and we must flee). The best option in this scenario is to flee west to the desert. High temperatures and lack of water will probably be enough of a deterrent for zombies as well as perhaps killing them (if bacterial or parasitic infection, zombies will die). The best option remains to wait it out for the zombies dead flesh to deteriorate (estimate 3-4 years for the infection to finish spreading and die out).

54. MSB on 19 Oct 2008 at 12:32 am #

    Everyone knows I bring SF combat gear with me wherever I go! I’ll just bust down the door and bring out my Heckler MP7 Duo (w/silencers) and mow down every zombie in my way, and find the way up to the roof. When I get up there, I’ll use any and all objects I find to block and jam the door, then remove and put together my secondary weapon, my Barrett XM500 (long-range) and blast every surrounding zombie from here to Hell. After I’ve removed each of their heads, I’ll sprint to my LAPV Enok and rush back to base, where I’d first go to the weapon storage area, then go to the supply depot. Afterwards, I should have enough supplies and weapons to survive this zombie outbreak. Then I’ll have one of two choices: First, if I found a survivor, I’d put him or her on the gunner’s seat and head to the mountains, or Second, if I didn’t find a survivor, make a makeshift fortified area
    (4 hrs) and try to survive the outbreak there.

55. porksteak on 19 Oct 2008 at 1:33 am #

    What to do?

    Let’s face it, the government is going to do a massive first strike with thermobaric ordnance. Or with nukes. Large cities will the be source of the infestation. How many major population centers are there in the US? That is an instant 40 mile quarantine zone.

    If you are not in these population centers, then you need a weapon of some sort…and wait. The best defense is to keep moving. They are going to start sterilizing outer areas that are not affected by radiation and are possibly affected by infection.

    If not in a blast zone, I’d start moving North. Zombies don’t seem to like the cold. Winter will kill all things not protected. How many roaches you see living in the arctic or antarctic?

56. Mannen-Myten on 19 Oct 2008 at 3:33 am #

    Assuming there are several zombies outside the toilet door and also assuming there are more people than just me using the public toilets at this mall, my plan would be as follows:

    Actually I’d probably think, “Well, here I am, unarmed, locked in and a zombie infection is spreading like a wildfire in a mall full of people. I’m boned unless I can find some melee weapon or firearms”..

    No, I’m just just kidding people, I would enjoy being a zombie! So my plan would be to get bit and infected (without having my arms and legs torn off or my intestines ripped out) and as the infection kicks in and I become a powerful undead, I’d immediately start hunting down everyone using toilet brushes and lids for protection, trying to escape the mall. Then I’d head off to the nearest church, hospital or large public building, bringing everyone I’ve bit with me to strengthen the zombie horde! There are plenty of humans for that. =)

57. Dr Who on 19 Oct 2008 at 2:27 pm #

    Well first you HAVE to finish your business. When you realize zeds are up and about, first you say it “Oh s…” then you do it. Considering most business have drop in ceilings you can climb the wall of the stall you’re in, using the toilet as a step ladder (or should I say step STOOL). Once in the ceiling make your way to the closet where they keep the cleaning supplies. Here are your weapons and the tools that will save your life. Your weapon, the broom handle or mop handle. An easy weapon to master, you can use this to take large numbers of the dead off their feet. Even though it is useless for truly dispatching your foes, at this point your focus is escape. Next grab the cleaning supplies, use a non-corrosive one to douse yourself and mask your smell. Use the other bottles of cleaners as grenades to confuse and disorient your foe. An easy task. In your escape look for firextingishers, another good weapon to disorient the zeds you encounter. Also you can be on the lookout for fire hoses to clear large areas of any zombies in your way. Other various evryday items can be weapons and defensive devices to the open and thoughtful mind. On linoloem or tile floor you can use large bottles of lotion or cooking oil to slick down a floor. The thought of a group of zombies “Slip sliding away” is hilarious. Garlic, oranges, and pepper can be used to mask scents. Vasoline and diesel or gasoline make very effective napalm, though turning zeds into living dead torches can have some seriously negative consequences. Just imagine the undead candle both beating down your door and setting your shelter on fire at the same time, although bar-be-qued dead heads has a ring (and smell) to it. Paint canisters with explosives can destroy what sight zombies have left. Since alot of pets will be starving you can use pet food to turn Joe Zombie’s former pet into a noisy distraction to cover your activities. Lots of different chemicals and household products can be used to make explosives and smoke and flamables.

58. DarkAvenger on 21 Oct 2008 at 1:43 am #

    first thing i would do is try to safely figure out what is going on. at the moment, i dont carry a pistol with me. if this happens a year from now i’ll have a pistol, probably either a 9mm springfield xd or a walther pps. if it happens tomorrow i’d get the longest chunk of pipe available from the sink. either way i’d get a weapon and make sure i know whats going on(fast or slow zombies, ect). if i was at the mall near me i’d take a straight path to the rugged outdoors, exchange my pipe for 2 swords. if i was at the mall near my parents, i’d head straight towards the bass pro shop that is there and grab a shotgun and 2 pistols as well as as much ammunition i can carry without slowing myself down too much.

    from there i’d head straight to my truck, and start driving to whatever house i was at beforehand to get food and more supplies. on my way i’d call my parents, and 2 of my friends. one friend would load his weapons into his truck and drive to my parents house. the other friend would begin calling the people we’ve talked about that we know we can trust in a zombie situation, and they would also head to my parents. They live about 20 miles away from any city/suburb and there are only about 15 people within a 3 mile radius of them, as well as chickens, cows, and a river(fish).

    after that we would just hold for a short while until there is some sign of whats really going on. we would probably try to get to either an island or up north.

59. Dr Who on 21 Oct 2008 at 9:14 am #

    Lots of people seem to be thinking of calling thier friends and family and setting up meets and saying code words. The problem is 99% of the population will be calling their loved ones. I just sat through hurricane Ike and let me tell you, The phones were working but the lines were tied up for awhile. Set up a primary, secondary, and tertiary evacuation points before hand. These points could be used for ANY disaster. The first one to get there can secure the area, leave signs if the area is untenable and you need to activate the next site.

60. Oberon on 21 Oct 2008 at 12:33 pm #

    Do not flush. The zombie may not know I’m nearby, and any noise could attract its attention. Slowly, carefully take my feet off the floor and then crouch on the toilet seat. Breathe quietly. Carefully reach over to my coat and take my pen-knife from the inside pocket–it’s a lousy weapons in my hands, but an adequate tool. I also retrieve my Epi-Pen. I have allergies. It would be stupid to die of anaphylaxis after surviving Z-day.

    The toilet stalls in local malls don’t have tanks so I have no weapon. Reach up and shift a ceiling panel so I can access the ceiling space; there’s pipes and piperacks up there that can support my weight. By now the zombie suspects I’m nearby and is hammering on the stall door, trying to get in. Jump, son, and get those feet out of grabbing range. It can’t reach me in the ceiling; I’m safe, until I starve.

    Now I wish I had a cellphone.

    The false ceiling is a temporary refuge at best. I can’t hang upside forever and there’s not enough space to squeeze between the pipe-racks and the upper floor. Also, the mall bathrooms are surrounded by concrete walls that cut off the ceiling space; to leave the area, I’ll have to get into a hallway. I spend a few minutes salvaging a plastic panel from a fluorescent ceiling light–the pen knife helps–ignoring the zombie below. Then slide the panel across the false ceiling to the ladies washroom, pausing to catch my breath by lying on top of the wall that separates the gents’ and ladies’. That few minutes of silence lets me listen for undead. I only hear the zombie in the gents’ so hopefully the ladies’ is clear.

    I spider into the ladies’ ceiling and peek into the washroom. It’s zed-free. Move the ceiling piece quietly and then drop to the floor, pulling the fluorescent shade with me. And sonovabitch it’s one of them right there and I can see the jawbone and its making that sound through the hole in its neck. I shield-rush it with the plastic panel, then trip it. The zombie falls in an uncoordinated heap. The sheet of plastic broke in two –they’re fragile– but I keep the larger half and head for the door.

    Ladies’ washrooms are closer to outside exits, so starting my run from the ladies’ means the run is that much shorter. The exit hall is clear; the noisy main mall is drawing the zombies, and few people actually know the emergency exits in a building. I run twenty feet, kick the door open and emerge in the parking lot. There’s commotion at the main entrances and parts of the lot, but there can’t be more than a few dozen undead and in the open I can see ‘em coming.

    I’m also the only grown man without a car. I lope low and stealthy between vehicles. No contact.

    There’s a bicycle lying on the sidewalk (happens a lot in my area). I take it and ride home; I’ve a spouse there, and some things can’t be rebuilt. I stick to residential streets. We’re two hours into Z-day at most, so the infection rate should still be relatively low and this area doesn’t have a high population density. A few sightings of undead but they can’t keep up with me, and I lose them.

    Then home, to see if I still have a loved one to rescue.

61. Dr Who on 21 Oct 2008 at 9:38 pm #

    Oberon, sounds more like the beginning to a story, than a plan. Not insulting you, I’m complimenting. You write pretty well, you should try stories more often.

    “Zed’s dead baby, Zed’s dead.” - Butch

62. Someguy on 22 Oct 2008 at 11:30 pm #

    I think Quine had it down pretty good. That has my plan covered pretty well. I had also
    thought of going to the local Lowes hardware store, since they have power equipment
    that I know how to operate. (used to work for them) They have VERY high shelves and
    ample tools and supplies to construct a barricade high up off the ground. I would then
    get all the 5gal buckets from the paint dept. and fill them with water. Butane/propane
    tanks for fuel/cooking/bombs you name it. If you run out of ammo, you have nail guns
    and hundreds of thousands of nails that you can rig to make a very nice projectile
    weapon. I would also use multiple layers of plywood and timbers to seal up the windows.
    There’s also no shortage of QuickCrete to reinforce stuff. Plenty of power generators
    and extension cords. No need to worry about fumes since it’s a huge warehouse and
    has ventilation. I would also have an endless supply of batteries and LED flashlights
    that wouldn’t waste the batteries at a fast rate. I could go on and on with cool ideas.
    It just goes to show that Lowes or Home Depo would be excelent choices if you didn’t
    have a good destination and wanted to barricade yourself in.

63. Dr Who on 23 Oct 2008 at 9:21 am #

    You better get there quickly and with a truckload of food and fuel. Oh and find one WELL away from other buildings.

    First, You’re going to have to arrive there in between the time of everyone starting to realize there is a problem (before that, they’ll still be working) but before the panic gets so bad that people are driving into power poles and transformers. The power isn’t going to last long because of this and other reasons.

    Second, fire is a serious problem (read my posts in “5 reasons to avoid public…”. And many of the large home improvement stores will be pretty candles burning in rememberance of our dying civilization. They are going to have to be isolated a good distance from anything else. I can only think of one that will make it through in the greater Houston area and that’s a Lowes in Texas City.

    Third, you better have alot of food and fuel with you. Those stores don’t have much in the way of comestibles to feed you. Also, all those power tools are useless unless you run them off a generator. Like I said the power isn’t going to be on long.

    Fourth, time will be a serious problem. With most Home Depots and Lowes you have two main entrances, one garden area entrance, and the loading docks. I say loading docks because the overhead doors most places use WILL cave in under a press of mass (IN)humanity. You have alot of work to do by yourself or with your small group.

    Fifth, you better be ready to not only kill zeds, but kill people too. I’ve been through enough hurricanes to tell you how wild it gets when it’s only a natural disaster. The zombie hordes rising to eat the masses will make that much, much worse.

    “Zed’s dead baby, Zed’s dead.” - Butch

64. Dreamornaut on 23 Oct 2008 at 9:14 pm #

    I hear that. Once people figure out that the dead are walking and biting, the panic that ensues will make things dangerous to say the least. Early on I’d expect a lot of looting and rioting, followed by people killing anything that remotely looks like a zombie, which is people of course.

65. Bar_Barian on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:00 pm #

    Normally I don’t go to the mall alone, but let’s consider this as a worst case scenario and say I’m there by myself…

    now, at the mall I’d most likely be at, the bathrooms don’t have doors, they have blind narrow switchback hallways (this was so the doors couldn’t be barricaded against security in the event of an assault or something) which means the zombie would be outside my stall…

    wiping is essential in this scenario as zombies seem to mainly use sound and smell to track prey… so be warned, skid marks are dangerous to more than just your reputation… anyways, as I’m over 6′6″, I generally use the handicapped stall if it’s available just for the extra leg room… in this scenario however, it afford me two advantages:

    1) There’s a big metal handrail bolted to the wall

    2) The door to this stall opens outwards

    While the zombie is still scratching around at the door (he’s got my scent, unless someone else runs into the bathroom, I’ve got his undivided attention), I send a text to my zombie team to get machinations moving (the text will be queued and sent as soon as there’s available bandwidth, you could be dialing busy signals for hours)… then, having given the adrenaline sufficient time to flood my systems, I’d rip the handrail off the wall, trip the lock and boot the door as hard as I can, then come out swinging… this will probably still be early stage 1, which means I should have a couple minutes before another one come shambling around the corner, so I take this precious time to outfit myself as best I can for the next run… first I strip to the waist and use the handsoap to slather myself up (I almost always have a bag or backpack with me, so I can stash my jacket and such) and prevent any zombies from grappling me.. next I’d wrap paper towel around my makeshift club so I could keep a grip… finally, I’d pull the door off the handicapped stall to use as a shield until I cleared the aforementioned hallway…

    the next step depends on where I parked… there’s a set of doors right by the foodcourt that leads to an open air, multi-floor parkade… if I’m parked on the same floor as the foodcourt, I’m in luck, I just bail out that door and get to my truck ASAP… I flip the tire hubs into 4×4 mode (never know what I’ll have to drive over top of) hop in and book it home where, hopefully, my family already has preparations underway

    the far more likely scenario is that I’m parked at one end of the building, when the food court is in the middle… so from the bathroom, my next stop is the knife store downstairs (this is Canada, no gun stores in the mall here) where most people would be tempted to grab the biggest sword of the wall and start laying to… however, those swords are purely for show and not kept sharp, besides, it’s easy to get a sword lodged in a ribcage or a sternum if you’re not trained with such weapons… if available, I would grab an axe, because for some reason, the axes are functional when the swords aren’t… failing that, I have a pretty good reach, so a couple of Bowie knives or a nice machete are probably what I’d reach for… I may have already picked up some survivours, who I would arm as well, then head for the truck… I have seatbelts for 4 in addition to myself, as well as a spacious cargo area that could fit 3-4 more in a pinch… then I’d lock the doors and gun it for home… I feel that in the case of a zombiepocalypse traffic lights are merely a notification that you’ve reached an intersection, and I wouldn’t be stopping for anything once I was underway… I would stay off the highway as it’s much easier to get trapped on… the main road has many ons and offs, and I know the city well enough to make it around any roadblocks in that area…

    out of the mall and on my way…

66. sofa+pizza=happy on 01 Nov 2008 at 10:22 am #

    I would simply, throw some of the sick under the, it surpisingly slippy, i would kick it under the door so it dfalls over. Open the door and curb stomp it. If there was nobody in the cinema i would use this as a chance to eat pop corn and watch the best film i could find. If there were people around i would just go home.

67. Dr.Ruthless on 23 Nov 2008 at 2:08 am #

    Toilet Paper Handle.
    Small metal bar. Seems like a makeshift weapon to me, unless you have the strength or option of a handicap rail.
    Possibly even the door to the stall if you can manage.

68. Ryan on 24 Nov 2008 at 12:52 am #

    Even though I only use public restrooms when I am already in the beginning of the process of losing controll of myself (kindof have a phobia) lets juse assume its WAL-MART… even though they have horrible bathrooms it just seems the most likely building I would be in. First I would naturally finnish up not going to rush myself too much because I would count on infelxibility on the part of the zombie… if it is flexible I am already dead. When I wipe and pull my pants up I look under the stall door to see which way its/their feet are turned, if it is facing away from the door I would try to open slowly and use the knife (that I always carry unless I am in an airport or couthouse or some other building with metal detectors) to try and hit the base of the skull for an instant kill. If it is facing the stall I still unlatch it so that I have as little resistance as possible going outwards then slam all of my weight into it knocking it myself and the zombie all to the ground with any luck, then I would stand back up using my weight to my advantage and then basically slam my ass smack down into the door thats on top of the zombie in a desperate attempt to kill it. I am 6′3″ and weigh 350-380 pounds depending on what I’ve been eating the last few days. My size limits my natural reflexes and speed unfortunately, meaning if I were to drop about 100 pounds I could probably come close to making records in short distance running due to my leg strength and natural speed, sadly I dont weigh 250 ish. After subduing the zombie I would either finnish it off with my best imitation of a curb stomp or simply using my knife and jabbing the base of its skull. I would then procede to putting my ear against the door to listen for any sounds that could be percieved as zombies, if my ears determine it is safe I then open the door just a little bit to peek outside and hope to hell I was right otherwise I die there because of my complete lack of upper body strength though I may be able to survive a scrap with one if I were to immediately drop to my back and send it as far as possible with my legs (though this is very unlikely). If it is not safe (and I manage to live) I retreat back inside the restroom and use the stall door and the corpses as barricades since there are no windows I would then unsucessfully try the ceeling and give up on that within about 5 minutes. I then improvise a weapon by attempting to rip one of the long skinny boards that is in between stalls off. I take a nap hoping that they will all be gone when I wake up. Wake up and repeat until sucessful using as much time as needed even though the nasty ass WAL-Mart bathroom water may very well contain some sort of horrible disease judging by the way it always smells. This also barring I don’t wind up becomming sick from the water or the unsanitary mens bathrooms. If I manage to make it out safely I would then head directly to the power bars or granola bars and grab as many of them as I can fit in my pockets after eating enough for a sugar rush or energy depending on time spent in bathroom. Naturally I check every corner before I turn it and always look behind me. I now exit the building assuming that there is noone left in it or in the parking lot and walk to the closest relative’s house in an attempt at getting some help if its on the first day because the cell network would be jammed completely. 2-3 days after I would start calling people and tell them where I was and that I needed a ride in hopes that they would come get me and aren’t dead. The internet would still work for a month or so until all of the automated stuff started shutting everything off due to lack of payment. Electricity and water have to be turned off manually so you will have an indefinate supply of both unless the water is contaminated or runs dry and the power plant has some sort of malfunction or runs out of wind/water/etc and if it is the etc category death occours. Because we all know that etc means nuclear enery or solar energy and if one of those gets fucked up well we all know how that would end. I belive I’ll stop here considering that I answered the question and then kindof went off on a long drawn out sub answer that wasnt asked for.

69. schott on 30 Nov 2008 at 12:46 am #

    i would definitly cheak for anyone else in the room to help me then (say there is) grab pipes and bars for protection……..(possibly if floresent lights, take them,break them,then slowly open door and if theres one in range stab for throat, mouth, eyes then tell whoever to follow to(if in mall) hardware or apliances stores grab wats needed then make my way stealthaly to outside and hot wire fastast car there and leave

70. johnny on 02 Dec 2008 at 8:55 pm #

    first i would pick 2 people up or call them to meet at the walmart bacause of its guns and supplies. it gets simple after this, if we run out of food or supplies use the shopping carts as tools to get out and go to a small town or mexico cause im close.but if need be stay in the walmart and only use the guns if nessicary

71. Rayburn on 11 Dec 2008 at 7:45 pm #

    Well i agree on alot of your plans, but instead of letting the call of nature finish, id pinch it off rather then sit there for a couple seconds that could be life saving minutes, Zed isnt going to wait untill your done with your poo,

    second, id take the seat off the toilet and kick the door open, yeah its gonna grab attention, but i work best under shock and awe, and if hes in front of the door when i do it, then hes off balanced, and easy prey, bash his head in and when i think the toilet seat is about useless, id place his head on the edge of the toilet and curb stomp, repeat as needed, after that using what i would have on me or around me id rip the hinges off the door to make a crude shield, and use a plunger or mop handle (theirs always one in the bathroom in my local mall) and make a pike, by snapping in in a degree it makes a point at the end, after doing such, i back myself against the wall in a defencive position, call the authorities and or loved ones to brief them.

    after making phone calls or what ever, id open the door to the main mall, just enough to peak outside, depending on the scenerio outside is what i base my move on, no resistance, run like hell to the outside keeping my options open, mild to heavy resistance use shield to storm out jousting zeds the best i can keeping my forward momentum up the best i can untill i fought to a door way if the area is clear id do a 180 keeping my crude shield as a barrier against the zombies from getting a nibble, stabbing and pokeing if needed, once at the exterrior door, id either push against it or reach back to open it, doing the best i can to keep the zeds at bay.

    after outside ill loose the shield, but keep my primary weapon for self defence against zeds, or paniced civilians, find my mode of transportation, most likely my car, and get out like a bat out of hell.

    after doing such ill drive home grab my Military gear i was issued, my Yugoslovian SKS and ammo, grab my family and tell them to head north away from any towns or any major cities, head twards amish country if able to, after they get set on there way id drive to two of my freinds house who have weapons and ammo, and stock up on food supplies and medical supplies at a local shop near the town,

    depending on the severity of the outbrake, depends on how long it will take us to gather.

    after that loading my car and my freinds 4×4 truck with supplies, id head out of town, to a abandoned house 2 miles away, fortify it set up defensive paremiters, it has a basement an upstears and a attic with a small little tower patruding out of the roof, it would be base of operations surrounded by open fields perfect line of sight for the 30-06 my freind has, equipped with a scope accuret to 300+ yards, after setting up base camp, call anyone else (freinds or family still here) and tell them to link up there, sick or injured will be escorted to a barn 30 feet away from the house for medical checkup

    build a small barricade around the house and barn and building a cat walk from the house to the barns hay loft will give us access, because once secured the barn doors will be closed off, and the cat walk will be the main rout in and out.

    reason for my plan, im part of the Army national guard, and i know for fact that chances of survivng constantly moving around could be decreased just because of the region i live in, and alot of the houses here are brick and stone.

    reason for sending my family out to amish country, i have a couple amish freinds who has a stock pile of shotguns and hunting rifles with a stone house in the middle of no where,

    and that would be my conclusion ;)
    Questions comments complaints?

72. Michael on 20 Dec 2008 at 5:27 pm #

    A few of you don’t seem to understand that in the US, almost all states issue concealed carry permits to any adult with a clean criminal and mental health record who passes a safety course. Anybody with a permit can carry in public, and not all malls prohibit legal carry. You can think it’s nuts if you like, but statistically US concealed carry permit holders have a lower violent crime rate than off-duty cops. Quite simply, they’re the safest demographic around, and are no danger to other law-abiding citizens, no matter how terrified of guns you may be. ;)

    That said, I unfortunately live in New Jersey, a state that hasn’t heard of the Constitution. We have concealed permits, but in practice they’re never issued except to people with political connections. I’d be unarmed (my pocketknife hardly counts here).

    I’d “finish up” as quickly as possible, and stand on the bowl to see over the stall wall. Take the clearest route, whether through the door or trying to hop over the wall. After that, rendezvous with my people (I never go to movies alone) it’s a matter of trying to move fast enough to avoid being grabbed. The roads may not be clear, but my apartment is far from the nearest theater/mall, and we need to arm up. Hope the roads are clear, and get as far as we can before continuing on foot. There’s a crowbar and an e-tool in the trunk, which are better than nothing.

    At home, break out the .45 pistol and the snubbie .38 special revolver. They’re far from ideal, but much better than crowbars. Try to destroy the stairs (we live on the second floor and the stairs are wood), and hole up in the apartment. We have enough food and water stored to last for a bit, and would fill the tub and every available pitcher as soon as possible in case the taps go dry. Hope order is restored before we run out. If it isn’t, we’re boned.

73. Ross on 25 Dec 2008 at 4:36 am #

    I would have no hope of surviving…. pity we have no concealed carry permits or fully automatic firearms in New Zealand. Or i would blow the zombie’s goddamn head off.

74. fl1ntlock on 02 Jan 2009 at 10:09 am #

    I would have to get to high ground. To assess the situation.

75. lithondros on 12 Feb 2009 at 9:33 am #

    THe best thing to do is wait for the zombie to leave the restroom. Hopefully the smells will distract it. If not figure out a way to kill it most likely like most of you have said use the toilet seat. Once it is out of the picture and your sure you are safe, call someone who would BE able to prepare a safe house. Then leave the mall area hopefully a good sprint will keep the zombies from following you. Get to the safe house, and wait this thing out.

76. NymfAn on 18 Feb 2009 at 11:52 am #

    I would stay in the mall depending on the amount of zombies. There could be a sports store or something the you could get equipment from. I would get one of those aluminum bats and some hockey gear and just beat the crap out of any zombies that come between me and the car. Then I would get to my uncles house and get him his wife and his shotguns and rifles. I would call all my family members and have a meeting place to distibute food, guns, amunition, and cars hopefully we survive

77. Sharpshooter on 26 Feb 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    i like NymfAn’s plan. scratch the hokey gear though its not tear resistant and go for something like a thick leather jacket in one of the stores like Bullingtons Coat Factory

78. eric on 10 Apr 2009 at 11:52 pm #

    That’s funny, a baton. The toilet seat is another hilarious one.

    Basically, you’re screwed if you’re not packing a gun. That’s why I pack a gun ALL THE TIME, and although zombies were not my original reason for deciding to carry concealed, they make as good a target as any. You can keep your tae kwon do, crowbars, and other levers.

    Heck, I’m just waiting for a situation like this to happen; this would bring out the best in me.

    Heck, I’d even protect dickless gun-grabbers and their commie liberal homo lovers, I’m so tolerant.

79. wm1 on 11 Apr 2009 at 8:08 pm #

    Make a nice meal at home using some of the great Juliet Mae spices you can buy online. Then enjoy your meal while stacking them zombies in the foyer. I think a spear would work to go through them into a wall to hold them while I finish my tasty tacos made with Juliet Mae Spices. Then, after a dessert of flan made with vanilla sugar from Juliet Mae Spices (available online); I would get in a boat and wait offshore, maybe plan what else I will cook with Juliet Mae Spices.

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